Rock Lee, the Handsome Beast of Colgate?
by idkwhatthisevenis
Summary: Lee wants to be Colgate toothpaste's new posterboy! :D [crackfic, OOC]
1. The Contest!

_**Author's Note: **This is crack. It's out of character. I know. It's supposed to be. xD Don't like, don't read. That easy. (:  
Reviews loved.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. (: If I did, then there would be so much more slash in the manga. o; -drools-_

"Lee! Look up and smile for the camera!" Maito Gai called out to his beloved protégé, aiming a small camera young Leaf-nin.  
Rock Lee delivered a bright smile, wink, and thumbs up to Gai's eager camera, being blinded with each flash as his sensei's finger clicked the camera rapidly in a quick succession and his pearly white's shone brightly.

"Great job, Lee," Gai said, grinning at the green spandex-clad youth. "This'll do it for sure!"  
"Thank you, Gai-sensei!" Lee cried as the two with almost identical outfits embraced lovingly.

"I know you can do it, Lee! Now all that's left to do is get these photos developed and mail 'em in!" Gai looked at the photos he just took via the 'review' button on his new digital camera.

Lee saluted and hurried off, soon returning with an envelope addressed to the 'Colgate Toothpaste Poster Boy' contest judges. Gai was already busily plugging his camera into a computer.

"Now, Lee, tell me how this contraption works," Gai said, staring cluelessly at the computer screen.

"Like this, sensei!" the enthusiastic boy grabbed the computer mouse and clicked away at several icons on the computer desktop as his teacher stared in awe.  
"Amazing!" Gai whistled as the pictures transferred from the camera to the computer and popped up onto the monitor screen. "Now do we print them?"  
"Yes," Lee said, clicking a small icon in the corner of the screen shaped like a miniature printer. "That's the print icon," he explained. "Whenever you want to print something, just look for this symbol."  
"I see," Gai said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "What newfangled technology there is nowadays! How convenient!" He watched in amazement as the printer made gurgling noises before producing perfect print-outs of Lee's gorgeous photos.

Taking the photos, he slipped them in into the envelope Lee had brought and sealed it shut. "Now all that's left is to take these to the post office and mail them off! With your adorable looks, you're sure to become Colgate Toothpaste's newest posterboy."

Sensei and student beamed merrily at each other.


	2. Neji?

_**Author's Note ;; **I'm sorry the last chapter was so short! This one is longer._ _;D Enjoy, and please review!_

"C'mon, Lee, let's go to the post office!" Gai beamed at his student.

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee saluted smartly to his teacher.

The two left Gai's small apartment and headed to the nearby postal office to mail their sure-to-win material off the 'Colgate Toothpaste Poster Boy Contest' judges. They strolled down a sidewalk that had baked in the sunlight and felt extremely hot to the touch. The day was very warm, and the sun blazed mercilessly. Soon, both beautiful beasts of Konoha were sweating and perspiring in their lovely green spandex jumpsuits.

"Gai-sensei! Lee!" a voice rang out from across the street.

Gai looked up. "Tenten?"  
"Sensei! Lee!" the kunoichi hurried across the street to the two. "Where are you two going?" she inquired. "What's this for?" she gestured to the envelope.

"Lee's entering in the Colgate Toothpaste Poster Boy Contest," Gai explained as Lee swelled with pride. "I'm certain he'll win."

Tenten snickered.

"What is so funny?" Lee demanded.  
"Nothing," Tenten said innocently, regaining composure. "Good luck, Lee, I really hope you win."

Both spandex-clad gentlemen were oblivious to the sarcasm in her voice.

"Thank you, Tenten!" Lee exclaimed, giving her his signature 'nice guy' pose. "I am grateful for your support!"

"Uh, right." Tenten gave Lee a strange look before saying, "Well, nice running into you two. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got something to do. Goodbye, and good luck, Lee!"

"Farewell, Tenten!"

Tenten disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"It's good to have the support of your teammates, isn't it, Lee?"  
"Indeed, sensei! I believe it boosts morale and gives much encouragement!"

"That's the spirit, Lee! Let's go find Neji before we go to the post office, maybe he'd like to enter the contest and offer you good luck!"

"Yes, sir!" Lee ran off and disappeared, soon reappearing dragging along the bedraggled Hyuuga of the cadet branch.

"Neji! Good to see ya!" Gai-sensei offered Neji a 'nice guy' smile and an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

"….." Neji's pale eyes stared blankly at Gai. Yes, even more blankly than they already were.

"Have you heard the news, Neji?" Gai asked, rubbing his chin.

"What news, sensei?"

Gai gasped. "You hear that, Lee? He hasn't heard the news!"

The two ninjas with identical haircuts stared incredulously at Neji, shocked.  
"What a tragedy! This is unacceptable!

"What's a tragedy, sensei?" Neji raised an eyebrow. "What's unacceptable? What on earth are you talking about? Has fate destined it so I don't know?"  
Gai shook his head. "I cannot believe you haven't heard about the Colgate Toothpaste Poster Boy Contest!"

Neji questioned Gai's sanity with one word. "…So?"  
Gai sighed. "Colgate Toothpaste is looking for a new poster boy to pose of their commercials and their toothpaste tubes!"

"Your point is…?"

"Colgate is looking for someone with gorgeous pearly whites, charisma, a friendly attitude, and highly attractive looks!"

"Uh, why are you telling me this?"

"BECAUSE YOU SHOULD ENTER! Lee is entering! Follow his example and enter the contest!"

Neji stared at his sensei doubtfully. "Do you really think I have a chance at winning this contest?"

"With competition as fierce and handsome as Lee, I doubt you'll stand a chance at all – I mean, of course! You have just as much chance as Lee! So be bold, be brave, enter the contest!"

"Hell no."

"Neji, do what your sensei tells you to."

"No. I don't want to be on tubes of toothpaste and perpetually grin at people using it in the morning."

"Neji, I mean it."

"No way."

"NEJI!" Gai roared. "ENTER THE FUCKING CONTEST!"

Neji stared at Gai-sensei in horror. "What I _meant_ to say is that I'll gladly enter the contest," he said quickly. "Anything to make you happy, sensei."  
"Good man!" Gai transformed from a furious, bellowing demon into a wise, kind sensei again. "That's the spirit! Go have Tenten take a photo of you showing off your pearly whites and we'll meet you at the post office!"  
"Erm, okay…" Neji dared not disobey in fear his sensei's temper would flare dangerously yet again.

"Good! We'll see you later then! Come, Lee! We still have to go to the post office and buy postage stamps!"

"Yes, sir!"

If anyone else had been around to witness the scene, they would have seen a full grown man and a boy both clad in bright green spandex jumpsuits disappearing into the horizon and a poor, confused, pupil-less child standing there miserably.

_**Author's Note ;;** Haha! I enjoyed writing this a lot, though it's not that good. XD I hope you enjoyed it anyway!  
__Next time: Gai, Lee, and Neji go to the post office to mail their photos to Colgate! Will everything go smoothly, or will chaos ensue? Also, which member of Team 7 is entering the contest, and why? All this and more in the next chapter:D Oh god, I sound like a salesperson. oO;_


End file.
